By Leslie Anglesey
14 January 2014
25 Legendary Excuses for Not Doing Homework
What’s an excuse but a certain special perspective?
One man’s excuse is another man’s explanation.
Now, rather than going through the typical excuses that you’ll find through any basic Google sear, below is a list of legendary excuses for not doing homework. Do with them what you will, but regardless, there’s some good material here!
1. You’re preoccupied building a new 21st century startup. It’s not easy to assemble effective virtual teams, handle the project management, take care of sourcing and retaining freelance talent, etc.
2. You’re too busy taking advantage of this unprecedented era of technological innovation.
3. Sometimes it’s best to disengage the mind completely from a certain topic so that the information can marinate a bit longer. Hey, it pays off in the end…usually.
4. Instead of doing the homework you compromise and watch a few relevant online documentaries which turn into a gauntlet of YouTube videos that leave you drooling into your palm half zombified.
5. You don’t actually need to do the homework because your brain is to intelligence what the knife is to peanut butter sandwiches.
6. You decide to go study with some friends and on the way home.
7. Wait, homework? Simply shrug your shoulders and act completely disheveled because you must have missed the memo!
8. Well, you tried to do the homework (for about 30 seconds) but then it became clear that you needed to ask a couple questions first, or perhaps a tutor.
9. An inexplicable EMP shook your neighborhood and you weren’t able to save your work without warning.
10. You were too busy solving world hunger, fairly redistributing the world’s wealth and getting rid of threat of rogue asteroids.
11. You’ve got extracurricular activities coming out of your ears and collapsed seconds after getting home.
12. While on the way to class you were going over it one last time when an eerie gust of wind snatched it from your hands and for all you know it’s still sailing somewhere over Wisconsin right now.
13. Apparently due to current economic realities high quality homework is a valuable commodity. You got mugged!
14. There you were minding your own business when suddenly a drone descended from on-high and literally stole it.
15. You got stuck trying to sign up for Obamacare.
16. First your dog died in grandma’s hands. Then she died. What’s worse is it was only after burying fluffy that you realized he’d eaten your homework.
17. You have no idea what anyone is talking about. You did the homework and turned it in on time (fingers crossed).
18. While fervently engrossed in your homework you spilled some soup on the keyboard and your laptop exploded.
19. Wait what? You totally emailed it to the right address and there hasn’t been a bounce-back yet so…
20. Didn’t the Supreme Court just find that excessive homework is cruel and unusual punishment? You’re just standing up for your rights!
21. On the way home from school a nice man with a sign explained that the end of the world was nigh, and no sane person does homework on the eve of the Apocalypse.
22. You had a nervous breakdown with three helpings of a panic attack with extra-crushing procrastination on the side.
23. In fact, studies have shown the many of the smartest people who have ever lived were procrastinators. Your not turning in homework on time is really just the inner creative genius expressing its unique sovereign identity.
24. To get a really thorough understanding of human handwriting from the western culture, aliens abducted your homework but promised to have it back to you in time so that it may be turned in tomorrow.
25. Someone called in sick and you really had no other choice but to work a double. Life is hard, what can ya do?
3 Tips for Employing Epic Excuses
Here are three tips you can use when it comes time to let the excuses fly. With these three things in mind you’ll be better prepared no matter what excuse you choose.
- Know Thyself: If you hope to get an extension or have the teacher give you a break you better be able to pull this off with a straight face. If you’re horrible at fibbing you need to practice your excuse in the mirror until you actually begin to believe it.
- Expect Unbelief: Walk into the experience expecting the professor to not believe a word you have to say. That’s humbling and humble is a good place to be in.
- Admit Defeat: Turn the excuse into an explanation by admitting defeat first. Yes, you messed up. It was your responsibility and you goofed. But, here’s why. See the difference between that and just straight out trying to lie?
What do you think, will it work for you? Tell us in the comments!
Tags: college problems college to-do homework
The 10 Best Homework Excuses
1. I got my backpack stolen: use rampant crime among high school students to your advantage. No teacher in his right mind would expect you to turn in that big assignment if it got stolen the very day it was due. Although most teachers won't follow through, filing a missing backpack report might not be a bad idea.
2. My mom and dad got in a huge fight last night and the cops came and I couldn't concentrate on the assignment: Domestic violence isn't something to lie about...unless it's done to save your grade. This excuse works on so many levels: (1) Your teacher will never bring this up to your parents; and (2) you will garner sympathy for the rest of the year. The only way this could go wrong is if your teacher reports this to your guidance counselor and your counselor contacts your parents. That's probably not going to happen.
3. I stayed at my dad's this weekend and left it there and my mom refuses to let me go back and get it: Teachers are suckers for dysfunctional family stories. This is an all time classic.
4. I left my binder in my mom's car and she's at work across town: This is a twist on the easy to see through "I left it at home" excuse. A teacher can reasonably expect someone from home to bring your homework, but not even the meanest teacher would expect your mom to leave work.
5. I was really sick yesterday and unable to do anything. The only reason I came is because I didn't want to miss any more work: Teachers will admire your perseverance and give you the extra day.
6. It's that "time of the month": If you're a boy, don't try this. This only works for females on male teachers.
7. Grandma died: Even if the teacher doubts the veracity of your grandma's death, he's not gonna call you out on it just in case it's true. There are obvious problems with this excuse, including the guilt you'll feel if your grandma does die that week.
8. My dog died and I was too upset to do my homework: This is rarely used, but effective, especially if your teacher has a dog. Only a heartless task master would not cut you a break over losing your best friend.
9. I had to take care of my baby sister who was up last night throwing up: Another underused classic. Be careful your teacher isn't an e-mailer or he just might e-mail your parents for an update on your baby sister who doesn't exist.
10. Tell the truth: This is a revolutionary excuse. Often if you just go to your teacher in the morning and tell him or her the truth, you'll get some additional time.
What's your favorite homework excuse?